Something about relations in relationships...
Updated: May 1, 2021
I had two husbands, so I am not an authority to discuss impeccable human relationships. That’s not my intention. I'm more interested in why most relationships won't survive the test of time.
I absolutely believe in love! I think there is no more powerful and destructive force in humanity than love. However, we have constant trouble with it: how to keep it and why it passes away?
It all starts in front of a bridge: a big, beautiful, unknown, overwhelming bridge! We meet and start an exciting journey together. The magnitude of the venture evokes fear but also brings the promise of adventure. We begin this journey together – as two bodies, two souls holding hands. The bridge adds a unique dimension, the thrill, beautiful views, the breathtaking perspective just emerging from beyond the clouds. A journey that unites: "If we die, we die together!" Nothing matters except that moment. Adrenaline pushes forward, deepens the colors of your feelings, helps you discover layers of courage and belligerence hitherto undiscovered.
But the bridge ends one day: the views, the perspective, the madness, the adventure, everything that lived its life on the bridge is slowly dying. We take a road that forks into many roads. Decision time: which way, where to go, how fast... Entirely unconsciously, we often choose different paths. Before we fully know where we are, we are heading in completely different directions, and after a while, we lose sight of ourselves. We parted somewhere along that road, each looking for its own place.
When we crossed that bridge, we had the best intentions. We passionately believed we would cross this road together, that it would be our adventure. However, the sights, the events, the situations, all that we encounter along the way, shapes US. We set goals; we make decisions based on what we have seen. And yet, each of us, even if we look at the same thing, we see something different!
There comes a day when our views are entirely different, the paths lead in different directions, we have nothing to say to one another, as if we speak other languages.
Can this be prevented? I do not know, perhaps, but I haven’t yet succeeded...
Just because people live together, share walls and a bed, it doesn't mean they're on the same path. Often, they don’t dare to go completely alone. They prefer to live in constant inner conflict with each other rather than change their own lives. The thought of change is crippling. Change is an unknown that can bring grief, bitterness, emptiness, but it can also be a recipe for happiness and fulfillment. Undeniably, this is a huge risk! There are people who, for reasons only they know: children, money, tradition, family, lack of self-confidence, will never take it. In my opinion, this is tantamount to the fact they will never really live, breathe fully, feel the wind in their sails, freedom, and the pleasure of existence.
I feel sorry for these people, but I also know that they often do not fully understand the situation in which they find themselves. If they had known this, they would not have lived despite themselves, it would be a pity for them to waste this one life, and the consequences wouldn’t matter.
In life, I believe that it is necessary to develop, constantly learn something, grow, be wise, learn from mistakes we’ve made, and move forward. Those who are stuck in unhappy relationships just go around in circles. They don’t experience anything new, because they don’t allow themselves to leave this cage.
Given my humble experience and advanced observations, I doubt that people who meet each other at a young age can share a happy life for many years. The secret lies in self-knowledge, emotional maturity, and, of course, the length of the bridge.
The length of the bridge depends on us: how much we can give ourselves, how much we want to be an adventure for each other, or, while still on this bridge, if we are thinking about taking a common path. Dozens of small decisions that one day will prove to be a decisive aspect of living together.
Some will succeed, no doubt, but there are few.
Paulo Coelho, in one of his books, summed it up neatly in one sentence:
"Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an art. And like any art, it takes not only inspiration but also a lot of work."